The Onion On My Internet Belt

Since I Grew a Forest of Ear Hair

Since I grew a forest of ear hair
I’ve forgiven my eyebrows
For their helter-skelter care
Of hotly disputed borders we
Called a truce and try to play fair.

Since I herniated that disk in my back
The involuntary oof and occasional urgh
Surely add to the sadness of this sack
At least the rattling sabers of my knees
Are kept by the treadmill from attack.

Since I woke up stiff and sore in middle age
Where shoe laces are an indignity away
I’ve sussed which campaigns to wage
And which fools to suffer with grace
To Advil, to Advil! This swelling assuage.

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