The Onion On My Internet Belt

A couple years ago I went to the Car Craft Summer Nationals at the Minnesota State Fair Grounds with my dad and a couple of his (all now retired) friends. CCSN (as I will call it) is a car show where if you want to show it off, this is the place. Most of the cars are 1968 and newer. Older cars show at the MSRA “Back to the Fifties” event. You can think of it as classics go to Back to the Fifties, muscle cars and tweakers go to CCSN.

One of the cars that stuck out the most on this trip was the Chevrolet Caprice Classic wagon, circa 1992. The car itself was in beautiful shape. No rust, no dents. The paint was amazing. A white metallic pearlized coating of glory. What made this well-meaning but already strange car go into the land of parody was the tri-tone ghost flames. Yes, a land yacht that was not so pretty when it was new with no performance specs to speak of done up in $15,000 worth of paint. Its sort of like playing the washboard: No matter how good you are, that is just for you.

Flash forward to this week, when I saw this on the drive to work:

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I guess, since there are two of them, it might be a thing. To be fair, flames are the best addition to any car and though I have no quantitative data to support this claim, I am sure they make all vehicles go faster. NB: I took that picture without looking. I did all I could to be safe and not crash.

And a bonus picture in this very category seen on the same day!

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Nothing says “My life isn’t what I hoped it would be at this point” like a minivan with flames on it. So when you see my sad 1999 Mazda 626 that I bought for $156.50 going down the road full of rust and painted up in flames, you’ll know where I got the inspiration.

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Comments on: "It Goes Faster That Way" (3)

  1. A hearty chuckle for your washboard joke and the “My lie isn’t what I hope it would be…” remark 😀

      • To be totally fair I adapted the washboard joke from something Leo Kottke said in concert a few years back: It’s like playing the lint trap. Even if you are a virtuoso, you still just playing for yourself. The insight is still valid even though I have never figure out how one would play a lint trap.

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